ThePJN's Raving Rants

First off let me start by welcoming you all to this little dive I call the internet, it's not much but it's what we got.

Now for a few recent things in my uh- before death thing- uh- life? Life! Yeah! Uh- Okay No longer have a job, the pizza place I was working at for the past two years went out of business. That's bad.

I will be starting to take Production Art at Winnipeg Tech in September, which would have probably forced me to have to quit that job anyways. That's good.

I saw finally saw The Dark Knight the other day. Now normally this is where I would go into a long dissertation, long for any film probably twice the length for a Batman film and probably three times the length for a film of it's notoriety, but I will refrain at least for the time being. As my thoughts need time to percolate. Though I will say this this actually felt like a Batman movie, as compared to Batman Begins which felt like Christian Bale giving me the finger. The Dark Knight makes Batman Begins look like MOTHER FUCKING SHIT! And it already looked like FUCKING SHIT! So that's good.

Brief overview:
Direction: Overall=Tighter, less shooting of conversations the exact same way over and over again. Action=Not the apex of action direction, basically point the camera at the crashes and stuff blowing up, no fancy moves, or editing, but they weren't necessary. From this Nolan has a better understanding of action and more importantly fight scenes as you can actually see what the fuck is happening. Pacing=Much improved over the first.

Music: Less bombast compared to Begins, several simple increasing in intensity pieces at key moments work like gangbusters, especially during The Joker's 'Why So Serious?' speech.

Script:Perfect.

(Okay this is turning into a big thing anyways I might as well continue)

Acting:The usual suspects return (except for Katie Holmes) along with some new faces. Freeman, Caine and Oldman could use half of the effort they use here and still be great. Simple as that.
Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes as does a good job with a fairly simple character. I didn't see the problem that others did with Holmes in the first, simply because she is younger and looks it, compared to the other veteran players in the ensemble, I guess this was misconstrued as naivety or inexperience by comparison, but had they carried her over to The Dark Knight she would've done fine and helped preserve a greater sense of continuity. Not that Maggie is bad just there was no real reason to not get Holmes back.
Aaron Eckhart is the man who would be two as Gotham D.A. Harvey Dent. Eckhart is a good actor. On occasions I have often thought of him as bland, simply because he often plays characters that he's played before. He doesn't take chances. Here he breaks that chain by showing a good man broken down, physically and emotionally reduced to the motivation of revenge. A mirror image of Batman's own journey taken to the next darker level. I have heard others state that when considered closer the central character of the film is Harvey Dent, this is true to a degree but more screen time in the final product would help to solidify this. That would not have been a shame. Eckhart needs to take more risks like this.
You expect me to end with Heath Ledger, that's exactly why I'm not. (I'll try not to get too personal here but with The Joker it might be hard.) From the opening scene to the final battle with the Joker, you get a sense that Ledger did his homework and did it well. "The Joker's schemes make sense only to him.", this mentality is brought into the fictional-real world of Gotham by making The Joker an agent of chaos, a terrorist with no country and no goal but to make people burn, bleed, die and the rest of them watch and fear the results. Ledger's Joker is dirty and gritty, with no past and no future he simply appears as a force of nature, to do whatever pops into his head, whenever he pleases. Ledger fills The Joker with a simmering rage that is only every so often shown, he's in control of his insanity so to speak, he doesn't seem to truly get 'angry'. Ledger brings the character to a level of brutal, psychotic, narcissistic craziness that should rightly belong in an R-Rated film but somehow was allowed to run free in this one. Ledger's performance is magnetizing, you miss him when he's not on screen. Ledger was a good actor, never had a problem with him but never did I think he could pull something like this off. RIP Dude.
Now we come to one of the main sources of frustration in Batman Begins. Batman himself (supposedly) Christian Bale. I've said it before and I will say it again, Bale is an outstanding actor. However in Begins, I never connected with him as either aspect of this character and therefore was without an anchor in the film. (Other things about Begins piss me off but we are talking about Bale at the moment) In The Dark Knight, thankfully Batman's and Bruce Wayne's screen time has been considerably cut down. Batman has less dialogue and because of that is more intimidating, but on the bad side he still sounds like he's been smoking since he was a fetus. There's no chance that's going away but still I appeal to you Nolan, cut that shit out. It sucks, it's annoying, and worst of all sometimes it's funny when it's not supposed to be. All things considered Bale didn't piss me off much in this one, maybe because I went in knowing that he'd be there no matter what and just forced myself to deal with it. That and maybe I was a little used to him in that role, but he did seem more at ease here less of a NyQuil drinking disinterested douchebag.

Anyhow, Begins is a source of ongoing friction with me and at least one of my close counterparts because it's a film about one of our favourite characters and by all rights we should like it and for whatever reason it just doesn't click. After seeing The Dark Knight I would be perfectly happy had it been the first movie and Begins simply never made. Though The Joker alone made this movie basically, had that not worked and there had been more shitty Batman shitty shit, I don't think I would've liked it as much as I did but as it stands, The Dark Knight 10/10

(I still can't believe that to come from utter shit to 10 out of 10. Jesus)

Keaton is still the best live action Batman. Hands fucking down.
(Now let's finally make Batman vs Superman using Andrew Kevin Walker's 'Asylum' script, bring back Keaton for Batman!)

Whoa that was bigger than what I was expecting. I had planned on doing a quick overview of The Dark Knight and then gone into greater detail on Tropic Thunder, but I might as well go the other way around now.

Tropic Thunder
Ben Stiller's best movie since Mystery Men. (I'm not counting a lot of stuff because I either haven't seen it or it was shit. Zoolander is in the shit category if you are wondering. Also if you like Zoolander that's fine, but if you love Zoolander you should go to South Korea and try to run across the DMZ because you are stupid and deserve to die in a land you are not familiar with where no one knows you or cares about your death.)

Co-written, directed, produced by and starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr, among others.

A great parody of movie stars, the celebrity life style and war movies. I have heard people complain that it isn't funny or whatever. I will tell you this, it is funny, but I guess certain mother fuckers have been corrupted by Family Guy or general idiocy and unless there's a joke every 2.6 seconds a movie isn't funny. You know what go fuck yourself with your Family Guy Season 5 DVD set, you fucking assholes. Some of the funny bashes you over the head, some of it tickles you lightly. I can definitely see catching more from this pitcher on a few more viewings.

You may have heard of a certain cameo and from my perspective it does not disappoint, it's fucking weird and hilarious all at the same time.

Stiller plays his action movie star character as a less pathetic version of the character we've seen him do many times before, basically playing himself. Not a bad performance but- Y'know. He holds it together. All depends on how much you like him. Great scene where he's taken prisoner and he and his captors are doing the whole spit in the face of the enemy thing, and it just keeps going to an unnecessary level.

Jack Black keeps himself to himself, playing a fucked up mix of David Spade, Eddie Murphy and Andy Dyck. If you don't like Jack Black (like me) you will be able to tolerate him here. "No you can't have any fucking jellybeans!"

And we come to Robert Downey Jr, hilarious as fucking usual. You can either get stuck on the fact that his character is in 'blackface' or go with it as a case of his character is an insane method actor who takes his job a little too seriously and it's hilarious kinda thing. He's not playing a black dude okay. He's a dude playin' a dude disguised as another dude! Fu-Fucking-nny!

Though that is but one aspect of controversy in this film, there is also the issue of the portrayal of the mentally handicapped. Specifically the fictional character of Simple Jack in the fictional film within the film 'Simple Jack' as Exhibit A. Stiller's character plays Simple Jack, a mentally challenged stable boy trying to prove himself, but Stiller plays Jack in such a ridiculous over the top insane way, how anyone can take this serious is beyond me.

Exhibit B is the conversation between Stiller and Downey regarding the film and character Simple Jack, wherein they discuss motivations of playing someone mentally handicapped and the fact that if you want to win an award for playing a mentally challenged individual you should never play someone who is fully mentally retarded. (Retarded in this case being a medical term) As Downey's character puts it, "Never go full retard." He explains that doing this will never get you an award. He further explains the reason behind this being that the audience finds a performance like this somewhat distracting, and playing someone slightly mentally challenged but of a higher functionally allows you to make an emotional connection with the audience and they can enjoy the performance more.
Critics see these exhibits as I'm not sure what exactly. "It will make people use the terms retarded or retard as an insult." I'm pretty sure people already do that, you retards. Oops. But seriously, retard is the same as the word nigger? Are you fucking kidding me!? Tropic Thunder is a big crazy fucked up comedy, a parody that is blatantly offensive. If you've heard the evils and you think you won't like it don't go, leave it alone. Complain all you want that's what democracy is for but don't try to destroy something just because you disagree with it. What is this a fucking Neo-Nazi propaganda film? Fuck off! If they did shit like this on an episode of South Park nobody would bat an eye.

Anyways back to the film itself. Overall the film is entertaining, at times it isn't really sure what kind of movie it wants to be, it never really delves right into action territory, it switches back and forth between different subplots at random a few times, but there is rarely a dull moment and there is some damn funky dancing.

"Did you cry when you got your hands blown off?"

Tropic Thunder a solid 8/10

(These ratings don't mean all that much usual there are three main categories for movies with me the worst being Shit, the mid range being Mediocre and the awesome range being Awesome.)

So there you have it two reviews for the price of none.

'Til we meet again.

When I was a lad there were two staples of the 'kid' diet, Kraft Dinner and the everlasting peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This was the food of life. The only thing more important was when your mother would every so often make chocolate chip cookies.

Then in Grade Three something earth shattering occurred, they sent me home with the usual newsletter full of mentions of fund raising activities and overachieving doofi, but within that newsletter was a note. A note that proclaimed in HUGE BOLD LETTERING with sweeping Orwell-ian ramifications that peanuts and derivatives thereof were hereby banned from the school! The reason being? That there were now students who were allergic to them.

Now how could this be? Who was here this week that wasn't here last week? Where were these peanots? We should root them out and stone them! So in my outrage I took matters into my own hands, speaking out against the system that would have consume a butter and jelly sandwich or god forbid a margarine and jelly sandwich, acting out by bringing in the prohibited nuts or the sweet butter made from them.

"Why must the many suffer, because the few are genetically imperfect."

That torch still burns brightly within me. It flares when I see boxes of cereal, granola bars, candy bars, branded with a seal stating that, 'No peanuts were used in the making of this product'. It might as well read, "No love left in me. Take pity."

So once and for all I say we take a stand against the anti-peanut movement. You can't eat peanuts? Fuck you...

Thing= Shitty so-called 'spoof' movies.
Reason= Back in the good old days people like David & Jerry Zucker, Pat Proft and Jim Abrahams made comedic masterpieces like, Top Secret!, Airplane!, The Naked Gun films, and Hot Shots 1 & Part Deux. Actual films with characters in a plot, with various sight gags & movie references thrown in at contextually proper moments. Now we have shit like the Scary Movies, Not Another Teen Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans. With random horseshit from random unrelated movies tossed around in a vain attempt to qualify as comedic. Grow up people. Grow the fuck up and stop going to see these things, if they stop making money, they'll stop getting made.


Thing= Zombies.
Reason= Oh you don't think that there are zombies. Humour me. Go out to a public congregation area (Mall, Arena, Safeway, etc) and see how many people don't have any peripheral vision, walk insanely fucking slowly for no reason at all, have blank stares on their faces. They're out there people. They look just like us, they are out there. And if you are a zombie, get out of my fucking way or it's shotgun to the face time.


Thing= Britney Spears
Reason= I'm pretty sure that I've addressed this before, but I don't feel like checking. That and it needs to be mentioned again. Fuck off Brit, please. Nobody cares anymore.

"You've come a long way baby!"

Thing= Rihanna
Reason= Spells her made up name stupidly and somehow convinced more than her mom and her two friends that she can sing. Have you heard, really heard "Shut Up and Drive"? If you said 'yes', that means you're telling me the truth or lying to yourself.


Just one more. I got shit to do. (Don't even know why I'm posting again so soon anyways)

Thing= Excessive Plastic Surgery
Reason=

Ahhh!!! Oh, wait it's just Joan Rivers. Or is it? Take that mask off you fiend!

Thank you and good night ladies and gentlemen. Let's hope that there's an earthquake or tornado or plague in Arizona so that the SuperBowl doesn't happen. Fingers crossed fuckers!

Whoo!

(As if there's anything ever specific)

Well I just thought of something, but chances are I'll start rambling about other things too.

The upcoming SuperBowl or Why I hate (team) sports.

Now don't get me wrong I hate most sports to begin with, but the overall mentality involved with playing on a team sport or spectating to an absurd degree aka being a "fan" really fucking pisses me off.

Team work is a good thing but is never truly implemented. Teams are sliced down to the star players and everyone else, ask any fucking kid who's played soccer. There's always one fucking kid whose dad was a coach and no matter bad that asshole played he was "A-okay!"

And please for the love of god if you are a huge sportsfan stop doing two things.
1) Stop being surprised that there are people out there that don't enjoy watching a bunch of retards chase/hit/throw, whichever fucking object that they do in your particular visual morphine of choice.
2) Shut the fuck up about it in front of us. We don't care. I don't know what or who you are fucking talking about. Shut up. Why don't you start reading the dictionary backwards to us instead would be just as boring but there's a better chance that we both might learn something.

Other various points about the Superbowl itself:
-Who cares about the halftime show? Really?
-People don't watch the Superbowl just for the ridiculously expensive commercials, they watch them separately after. I don't care who told you that some people do that. It's stupid, and so is the person who told you.
-I would watch the SuperBowl if there was some kind of "Space Jam"-esque fight for the future of the human race shit going down.
-At least football makes for some good highlight reels. FUCK BASEBALL!

PS: Fuck anyone who plays, or ever has played golf professionally. Hell has a special section set up for you assholes, trust me on this.

First of for those of you who don't know 'I own't geh eht' is a soundical rendition of the phrase 'I don't get it'.

Now you may be asking yourself, 'What don't you get Mr.P?' Well I'm getting to that. If I want to ramble on about unrelated horseshit for no reason at all that's my business. I'm at the helm of this ship me bucko! And don't you forget it!

Let's start off by showing you a visual:



Okay, depending on your sex and corresponding orientation you should be done thinking whatever filthy thoughts that you can't control by now. We'll have to wait for the rest of the pack.

Hmmm.

Okay it's been four hours, I hope you mopped up.

Anyways, the above visual is what I 'own't geh'. I DO NOT FUCKING GET IT! I will refrain from mentioning her name because to say it actually hurts my head because every time somebody says her name out loud at least one other person has to follow it with "Yeah, she's hot." This happens so much that in my head a little man says "Yeah, she's hot." after I think of her name!

Pros vs Cons
Con: Epitome of idealized female body image

Pro: Profession=Actress

Con: Can't act worth a flying squirrel fetched fuck!

Pro: Doesn't seem to revel in her status, as others do. (You know who they are.)

Con: People fail to realize that there are hundreds more of her where she came from.

Pro: No onscreen nudity. (Fuck off perverts. When you have a daughter, you'll know.) Role model?

Con: She will be forgotten, as she gets older. Lauren Bacall a fantastic actress and beauty was huge in the 40s & 50s. She's still working today at 84 years of age, but not in the capacity that she once did because the nature of Hollywood is to keep men as long as possible and keep women as long as they excite men. If it can happen to Lauren with her talent greater than 'What's-Her-Face' could ever hope, how much longer does she have?

Let me just that I reserve no harsh judgment, this is merely an opinionated rant brought on by talking to myself, as are all of my rants. I rant to myself, to whoever will hear and occasionally to the empty abyss that is the internet.

Nietzsche once wrote that 'When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you', if that isn't the internet then I don't know what is.

But I was saying no judgment. All actors are shit in my eyes until they prove otherwise. My point here is that 'What's-Her-Name' has yet to prove otherwise. She's little more than malnourished eye-candy that somehow gained the ability to speak, just like Mark Wahlberg. (I won't get started on Mark Wahlberg now. That's another rant for another-should-have-gotten-to-sleep-a-fuck-of-a-long-time-ago.)

In closing here are some actresses that 'What's-Her-Face' can learn from.



Kate Winslet

Jennifer Connelly

Nicole Kidman (Side note: Nicole is the Queen of the good career choice.)

Jane Fonda

Michelle Pfeiffer

The looks help, but in the long run the brains and the talent keep the machine running. 'What's-Her-Face' seems to have some semblance of 'the brains' I'll give her that, but give me a fucking performance! Act already, damn you!

Anyways that concludes the bitching about a single sub-par actress and the unnecessary infatuation with her. (For now. I didn't even get into the parallels with Marilyn Monroe.)

In closing I leave you with this, fucking go see Rambo now! Right fucking now! And on your way back, buy the first three Rambo movies. And if you're reading this too late and Rambo isn't in theaters anymore go ahead and buy all four of them! Stallone. He produces, he writes, he directs, he stars. An inspiration to us all, for fucks sake already. RAMBO!!

Had an awesome idea for a movie the other day. Not gonna tell you what it is, then you'll steal it. So I'll just say that it's an action, war, black (as in dark) satire.

And I really want to do another version of H.G Wells' The Invisible Man. Finished reading the book a few days ago. Very cool. A few things probably need to be changed here and there but it would be great. For the title role I was thinking Hugo Weaving but he's already kind of played an Invisible Man of sorts in 'V for Vendetta', so en lieu of Mr. Weaving I would have to go with James Bond himself, Daniel Craig. He'd kick so much ass, man.

That's about it. Umm...

Have to go to work tonight, and tomorrow. Tuesday off, probably Wednesday too.

See if I can get Super Mario Galaxy and/or RE: UC this week. Still can't find fucking Guitar Hero anywhere.

Fucking supply and demand my ass.

Fin

Is it just me or is "FedEx Express" stupidly reduntant?

Basically what they're saying is Federal Express Express.

Good Lord people. Does everyone in advertising, or promotions have to consult with me? They damn well better start.

It's like if the FBI had a special task force. The DIU, "Donut Investigations Unit" and called it the DIU Unit.
Making it the Donut Investigations Unit Unit.

Friggen people. I think Federal Express Express has been around for a while now and I'm damn sure that I've bitched about this before but I saw a FedEx truck the other day and it got me rolling again.

That's all this time. Just a quick one.

I usually force myself to do a movie review or two but, nah. Nah I say!

I will recommend one that I may go into further detail on later though, 'Muppets Treasure Island.'
It was 'Pirates of the Carribean' before 'Pirates of the Carribean' was but a really stupid idea for a movie based on a theme park ride that actually turned out to be a darn good film.

End

That chemical burn on the back of my right hand seems to have once again disappeared but who's to say that it won't one day return. Who? Beats me.

Anyways, almost completed filming everything I need for "Shuttlecock", two more scenes, a few little things here and there if I need them. Maybe an extra fake trailer or two. All told I have somewhere in the neighbourhood of 12 or so hours of footage to work with and edit down into a feature film of sorts. Hopefully one that is cogent.

What else is new? Uh- Oh, I recently- What the Hell? Why is the F13 key on my keyboard bigger than the other 'F' keys? Oh Mac you and your- Whatever I don't care.

Where was I? Yes, new. New? Not much, gots myself a black fedora the other day. All I need now is an overcoat of some description, and the time machine leading back to 1933 will be complete.

I was thinking today about a gunfight at work. I just drifted off and thought about a scenario where a bunch of guys started to rob the restaurant and then, somehow I take out a gun and the place turns into the wild west. Does that mean I have an overactive imagination or I'm bored or both or all that and a third thing? I know at least the first is true.

Six in the AM. Jesus.

Okay here we go with some underrated classics:

"From Dusk 'Til Dawn"
Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Written by Quentin Tarantino
Starring George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis

Plot= Seth (Clooney) & Richard (Tarantino) Gecko are brothers, they are also violent criminals on the run from the law. Heading towards Mexico, and what freedom they can afford.

Why is it a Classic?: Where do I start? Well first off whenever you get the feeling that George Clooney is getting too political, you can bring him back to where he works best as a badass motherfucker with six little friends who can all run faster than you. Clooney's outing here is very close to the top of his list, right next to Three Kings. The excellent dialogue from Tarantino, and stylish direction from Rodriguez keep us planted in an over the top bloodfest, the aim being for a feel akin to the drive-in films of the 60s-70s. Many cameos from old B-Movie vets round out the cast in good measure. Sex Machine anyone? With a rockin' soundtrack and Cheech Marin, how the fuck can you go wrong?

Favourite quote off the top of my head: "Everyone be cool. You. Be cool..."

Do yourself a favour and get the DVD, if not for the movie, than for the outtakes. Especially the parts that show Clooney, fucking up his lines and becoming quite frustrated. Hilarious! We've been there man.


"Way of the Gun"
Written & Directed by Christopher McQuarrie
Starring Ryan Phillippe, Benicio Del Toro, Juliette Lewis & James Caan

Plot= Two drifting individuals, living only to survive (Del Toro, Phillippe) are in the wrong place at the right time and get an earful of information that leads to them kidnapping the surrogate mother (Lewis) of a wealthy man's child.

Why is it a Classic?: After Chris McQuarrie had written "The Usual Suspects" one of the best crime movies ever made in 1995, everyone wanted him to step up to the plate again and deliver another outstanding crime film. He disagreed and did his best to go about his business, but relented in 1999. But it had to be on his terms, and he had to direct it. Everyone agreed and that project was "Way of the Gun". What the studio was expecting, was "Usual Suspects: Part II" and McQuarrie wisely or unwisely went against this expectation. He made a film, while a tribute to the work of Sam Peckinpah, while a well acted, well written, well directed, interesting film, was also meandering, loose, oddly set up, and almost too complex and reaching for it's own good. In effect McQuarrie sabotaged himself, with "Way of the Gun" he made a film that would allow him to create something that was valid and at the sametime unconventional and "bad" enough that no one would ask him to make another crime film for a good long while.

Full of odd characters, we spend most of our time with Del Toro & Phillippe, who unlike most partners in crime barely say a word to each other. Both strong silent types, both anti-heros. Although, Del Toro's performance is stronger Phillippe holds his own.

Shot with a minimalist style and styled with browns, yellows, pale similar colours, the other shades of blue and red are given more meaning.

This is the new "old west". With a fantastic score by Joe Kraemer that brings the dead to life, and life to the deaths.

Favourite quote off the top of my head: "Can't you people see there are guns here? Get, the fuck, OUT! GET OUT!"

A great movie, get it in the bargain bin, where it doesn't deserve to be.

Well that's it ladies and gentlemen. All for to-morning. I shall type to you later.

Like insanity has a beginning?

Anyways, starting off on a semi-disgusting note. I scraped off a chemical burn on the back of my hand with a knife about a week or two ago and I think that it's coming back somehow. Maybe the cells in that section of skin are screwed, I have no idea. Probably need some vitamin E.

Big TV finally entered the premises. Not the same one as originally intended, but still every bit as large. Details are in my head, and they'll stay in there unless I'm telling you in person. And this doesn't qualify as "in person" does it? DVD player and the Wii look fantastique with the component cables, no HD cable but not a big deal. It still TVs.

'Aresnic and Old Lace' & 'The Train' were on eariler today. Taped them both, at least set up the VCR, should probably check to make sure. I have got to check when Turner Classic Movies is showing 'Larceny Inc' again. Hilarious movie.

Nothing really importent to share. (Then again there isn't really anything importent to share ever. Really more for my own records anyway.) "Really" just looked weird to me. Spelled perfectly correct but it just looked weird. Do not you hate when that happens?

A short scene that I can hopefully finish before I become too tired or twitchy and give up=

(Open on a bright beautiful day. Sun shining, birds singing, shit like that)

Four in the morning.
My eyes hurt, my neck hurts, my back hurts, I have to piss.

A rather large TV was supposed to enter the house for the betterment of the living room and all concerned with proper cinematic viewing experience (aka Me) but apparently guesses of Tuesday or Thursday proved incorrect. Should be here by Friday. (Yeah right)

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the cello is the best friggen instrument in the whole goddamn universe.
Case and therefore point : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSyl-XtjMVQ

Ennio and the Yo-meister! How can you lose?

*------------*

Work Related Ventings:

If someone else comes into the store and responds with nothing or launches right into something akin to "Yeah. I'll have-..." when greeted with a friendly "Hello" or "Hi there." They will be swiftly cut down and delivered to their maker by me. Doing me the discourteous favour of not treating me like I'm human, that's fantastic. You really are super cool there fuckface. On the serious front I am considering telling people to get out or that they can't get any food, when they do that. Not cool, man.

88% of people who order pizza over the phone are guilty of the following:
-Sounding bored, tired or like the act of calling is physically injuring them.
-Impatient or pissed off at the fact that you don't know them by voice alone.
-Have no idea whatever about where they are even ordering from.
-Be talking with at least 2 other people while ordering. (This order will change at least 12 times during the call)
-Argue with you about what exactly constitutes "cheese toast", how much tax is at present, how much the deal they got for the same thing last time was, or something else so retarded you head will implode.
-Being so fucking old, foreign, crazy or just goddamn quiet that you can't understand a fucking word that they say.

Oh and whatever problems that they end up having, just remember that it's all your fault.


*------------*

Paul's "Films that Everyone should See"

Mr.Buddwing (1966)
Directed by Gelbert Mann
Starring James Garner, Angela Lansbury

The story of a man (Garner) who awakes on a bench with amnesia. His only clues are a train schedule, a couple of drug capsules, and a piece of paper with a phone number on it. He wanders the streets searching for himself, with the assistance of the woman/women he meets.

The usual amnesia plot involves murder and mystery. This film is a mystery yes but is more of a character piece centered on a man and his mental struggle to find out who he is and what he is. Though Garner can be theatrical at times, for the most part he plays it down to earth. Features great supporting performances and fantastic direction, interesting effects and editing to heighten the more dreamlike qualities of the story. Underrated, rare, and awesome.

Snake Eyes (1998)
Directed by Brian De Palma
Starring Nicholas Cage, Gary Sinise, Carla Gugino

"Five people make a conspiracy, right?"
An assassination plot. Twists, turns, suspense, split screen. Sounds like De Palma alright. Rick Santoro (Cage) is an Atlantic City detective, in his element. Floor seats at the big championship fight. Until the Secretary of Defense is gunned down, now he and Commander Kevin Dunne (Sinise) the head of security have to catch the ones responsible.

The description doesn't do it justice. This is a movie to watch if you want to know what it means to use the camera to heighten a story. Proves once and for all how much of a master De Palma really is. Even without the almost 13 minute long one shot (disguised with hidden cuts) the film's camera work kicks today's in the junk over and over again. Story perfectly executed, although reshoots and studio tampering did mess with the ending, it just doesn't feel right, the plot as a whole works well. The sense of tension in the air is felt in every scene. Sinise delivers another quality performance. When has he not? Cage is in his element here. In other films, his performances have been hit or miss but in Snake Eyes, he takes what the words give him and builds upon them creating a flamboyant playboy, stuck between upholding the law and indulging his own pleasures. A must see, indeed.


I started writing another one but now my eyes, neck and back really fucking hurt. So I must retire to the velvet halls of dreams and Buick sized lollipops and razzleberry waterfalls and I think I'm having a heart attack...

Say goodnight, Gracie.

I don't know any Gracie. Who am I talking to?

So the last time I posted anything was three years ago. How's that for something that happens all the time. I signed up for Triggerstreet a good number of years ago too and have yet to complete the acceptance review process.

I was thinking about starting to post things up on facebook or as I like to call it "Jesus Christ not more of this shit." but then I realized that facebook stands for all that I hate, I then further realized that I still had a LiveJournal membership. LJ would let me vent myself without the hazards of turning large numbers of people against me.

I mean people are still going to turn on me but hopefully not in the double digits.

This is really more for myself to see how my brain has shaped over an extended period of time. (If I decide to keep up with this. Which I can't in any way guarantee.)

So on with the show. Rambling on in no particular order. Ladies and gentlemen I give you Paul Nix.

In the middle of a movie, very close to being done shooting everything. Just a few more scenes with myself as Johnny Belleville and I can cut my damn hair and get on with the other character. Not sure who I can get to play the other side of the play by play announcers, was thinking Jason Lyon but he would seem to be busy with his own business. Which is cool. Perhaps something smaller for him. I can try my brother but he is rarely in a state of moving slow enough for his image to be captured on camera. Chances are I will just end up enlisting the services of Mr. Patrick Land once again.

The film in question is "Shuttlecock" a mockumentary, in the vein of "This is Spinal Tap" and "Best in Show", hopefully we at least hit somewhere close to those masterpieces. "Shuttlecock" follows Johnny Belleville and Francis "FrankFrank" Franklin two former child badminton prodigies as they reunited tweleve years later for a charity tournament. It's the inspirational feel okay story of the year! That and it's funny. Funny's what I'm goin' for at least.

*------------*

A List of Things That Need to Fuck Off:

Thing= Beyonce
Reason= "Look at me. I'm curvy, and black and I can sing and dance. Look at me do it again! Hey watch me do it again! Hey! Hey! Look! I'll do it again! Ooh and again! Again! Again!"

Thing= The Threat of Catastrophic Global Warming
Reason= When did totally fucking bullshit become fact exactly? www.junkscience.com

Thing= Rob Zombie
Reason= Halloween remake. Strike three, asshole.

Thing= Mark Steven Johnson
Reason= Daredevil. Ghost Rider. Strike three still to come for this asshole.

Thing= MTV
Reason= It's M fucking TV. It is the fucking devil.

Thing= 98% of rap music
Reason= The state of this variety of auditory entertainment today is total shit. Example: Frekk 4 U by Frankie G, 563 2ME, The FattyFat Boyz feat. Jimmz, Concord, .45 Cal and Yuhng Kim. Are you fucking kidding me?

Thing= Solar Power
Reason= Get real.

Thing= The fact that The Real Ghostbusters isn't on TV.
Reason= What the hell? You can't show any of the reruns at all? Sure toss us a bone for thirteen days at Halloween but actually not screwing people over is something you can't do. Memo to the secret society that runs the world from behind the scenes, you will release this show on DVD or I will kill all of you. That includes you, Abe Lincoln. That's right I know you're still alive you cyborg fuck.

Thing= Guys who wear sandals
Reason= Socks or not, you are an idiot.

Thing= The lack of arcades these days
Reason= Fucking kids. You shitheads wanna buttfuck each other playin' Halo online you can go straight to Hell.
Quarters, Pac-Man, Mortal Kombat, T2, Space Invaders, Smash TV. That's what keeps the world turning.


*------------*

My parting thoughts.

In the middle of watching Raising Cain.

Just won the Resident Evil: Remake for ta Gamecube off of ebay.

Expecting nesbuckle fairly soon, about a week or two.

Bought a new TV the other day, were sold out, thought they'd get more in on Tuesday, didn't, perhaps Thursday. Probably going to have to wait until Friday or Saturday anyways. LG 42" Plasma HDTV baby! Rock the fuck on! Or something to that effect.

In closing I give you an ode to John McClane:

The bad dudes surround, on all sides,
But in Hell they'll surely fry.
The man is here to save the day,
Even if he doesn't want to play.
So pull back the hammer, and burn some rubber,
The names John. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

Until next time.

-PJN

Still have yet to kick the landscape of Canadian cinema in the goddamned ass but I'm working on it.

Anyone who wants to help can get in touch with me through:
gungfukungfu@hotmail.com

Let me outline this again for anyone who's confused.
I live in Winnipeg. I am 18 years old.I want to make a movie set in Winnipeg, about Winnipeg. I want to make it vulgar and violent and rated R and with knives and with guns and with blood and with heroes and villains and with kick ass dialogue and with... Well you can see where I'm going with this. Canadian cinema is known the world over for being dramatic and artful. That's all well and good but fuck that! I want to make a Canadian movie where people get shot in the face, have their hands ripped off by car doors, and have their eyes gouged out with ripped up halves of Pepsi cans!!
If you are in Winnipeg and feel like I do then let's get together and make this happen. Even if you don't and just want to make a movie. Let's fucking shake things up!!